the moment i never knew i wanted
A few weeks ago a coworker generously brought me several princess dress up costumes that her girls had outgrown for my 3 year old darlin to wear. I am a non-girly mama who has a three year old who adores everything pink, purple, and princess. When I got home from work she put the dresses on right away and even insisted that she wear it to Costco that evening. She proudly wore her new Disney princess costume through Costco and though she wanted to wear the dress up shoes that went with it, I insisted she'd regret that decision and that she should choose some different shoes. She obliged, choosing two different shoes of course, demonstrating obedience and control at the same time :). As we were walking out of the store and I was holding her hand, I looked down and saw those mismatched shoes and that princess dress dragging the ground and thought to myself "this is what I've always dreamed of."
It was completely unexpected and took me by surprise. I've confessed that I didn't dream of becoming of a mama much less a pink, purpley, princessey mama. Walking hand in hand in that parking lot I was taken aback by a moment that was so simple yet so profound. After coming off a year of high highs and low lows I am finding that I build the pieces back together that I want to soak up the little moments. Especially right now, when I still feel like everything is a whirlwind, I want to focus on quality time when the quantity time isn't there. I want to take notice of the little joys throughout my day and give myself grace when I don't. I don't want to rush through or slug through or drift through my days. Don't get me wrong, this would be incredibly easy to do. I seriously do not understand how working mother's of young children are expected to function. This is an extension of this rant, but with the policies we don't have to support families and the expectations we put on ourselves in the workplace and at home, we are setting ourselves up for failure. So we, and by we I mean I, have two choices--to check out and rush/slug/drift through, or to slow down and be ok with the fact that everything is not going to be ok all the time. But with that comes the opportunity to be more attuned to when things are really, really sweet.
Monday's are particularly hard as I rush home to get one darlin to dance on time without a hole in her tights and the other darlin occupied without her emptying an entire pouch of carrots all over herself and the stroller (true story). But these days are also full of sweet moments as we walk to dance and talk about her day. And as I watch her through the window spinning and leaping and twirling so freely. As we walk home and she tells me about what she learned or which way she wants go to or what she wants to do when she gets home. Somehow when I get lost in those sweet moments, the rushed, overwhelmed moments fade away. They are still there, and I still had to clean carrots out of a stroller and keep my one year old from falling down the front steps on her face and I lost my keys three times this week, but they aren't the main plot line to my story, or at least I hope I don't remember them that way. I hope I remember the princess costumes dragging the ground and the mismatched shoes and the smiles. And most of all I hope that I can slow down enough to be continually surprised by those moments I never knew I wanted.
