miss e makes: 5 months; great expectations

days before my sweetest joy turns 6 months i wanted to pen type, this is not 1800, some thoughts on her fourth and fifth months. there was no "official" four month picture but, oh was it a sweet month. it was filled with family, and first christmas, and so many memories. while i highly un-recommend having a baby in new orleans in august, having extra time with her over christmas was a nice bonus.having two children under two has been, yet again, a humbling reminder that i cannot do everything i used to be able to do. the beauty though, is that this time, it's met with less frustration and more reflection on why it's actually ok that this is my reality. as i've been wrestling with what letting go perfectionism looks like for me, i'm constantly drawn back to one word--expectations. as a perfectionist i have INSANELY high standards for myself and usually i don't hold others to those same standards, except that i do, through expectations.with my desire for everything to be the best, most enjoyable, more memorable, nicest whatever i often impose my inappropriately high standards onto other people. when situations don't go as planned, or how i think they should, it's crippling for me. this translates into all areas of my life and i regularly find myself getting caught up in what didn't happen or how it went wrong, that i miss the beauty in what's right in front of me.becoming a mama opened my eyes to so many things. i remember after darlin one was born the leaves seemed greener and flowers seemed brighter. i think big life events, whatever they may be, do that for us. they give a reset, a shift in perspective. but not too long after i went back to work things looked a little duller and i because overwhelmed with expectations i had for myself, real and falsely perceived. this second time around as i'm working on shifting my expectations of myself (by the way i couldn't even type out lowering my expectations because that just sounds like quitting. problems) i'm realizing that a lot of that has to do with my expectations of other people and situations.someone reached out to me after one of my blog posts and we were chatting about perfectionism. she said something with me that has stuck and resonated with me, that other people who aren't perfectionists they don't realize how defeating criticism, feedback or failure is to those who struggle with being perfect because that isn't their reality. they don't hold themselves to that unrealistic standard. if you are that person, bless you, teach me your ways. but for right now for me and for any one else trying to let go of perfect, this is my reality. so how can i grow through this?i can lower my expectations for myself. there i typed it. i can not beat myself up over not taking a four month picture (yes, i know it's dumb, but yes it bothered me) i can not beat myself up over sick days and missed presentations. i can not beat myself up over a messy house that still looks like a mardi gras tornado, and i can not beat myself up over not. being. perfect.while lowering my expectations for myself i can also work on how i react to others and focus on giving grace instead of disappointment.  i think i perceive low expectations as a synonym for horrible failure (never said i wasn't dramatic) but the thing is, that expectations are not the same things as standards and desires. but we tangle them up into one big mess.so for me, i'm going to try to be purposeful about examining what this looks like in my own life. and i think that it goes for everyone, perfectionist or not, that if we lower our expectations, we will be pleasantly surprised every time.