pretend the soundtrack from frozen is playing in your head while you read this. specifically 'let it go'. we watched that movie approximately 227 times during my pregnancy, and if i was annoying, i'd have it playing when you clicked on this blog, but ain't nobody got time for that, or wants to hear that. continue.i love reading, listening to, hearing about birth stories. when i was pregnant with MF i learned more about birth than most obstetricians. we took a bradley natural childbirth class (which i highly recommend by the way) in addition to attending the child birth classes at our hospital and reading several books on the topic.you expect what you know, and when you don't know what to expect (and you are a controlling perfectionist) you expect things to go as you plan. MFs birth did not go as expected (a preview of what was to come with my fiesty darlin) and i had to be induced at 42 weeks. she nor i like transitions so we both held on until we were forced otherwise.so, from the minute i found out i was pregnant, i expected that i'd go until 42 weeks, because that's what i knew. even though my "guess date" was august 14, i was convinced that i'd go until august 28 and that was just fine by me. i was comfortable with late and to be honest, even though i wanted a natural birth, i was also comfortable with the certainty and precision of being induced.at 35 weeks during my step b test my doctor was shocked and told me that he wouldn't be surprised if the baby came "any day." i of course went into panic, anxiety, freak out mode because that's not how this was going to happen. after a few days of this state, and being pushed into nesting, i calmed down and hence forth refused to be checked at any further appointments.
expectant. surrendered. grateful.
words from lara casey, a woman whose writing and heart after the lord i admire, perfectly described where i was those last few weeks of my pregnancy. i became grateful to realize (again) that i wasn't in control. i was thankful for the sweet, sweet, moments with MF and as a family of 3 that i soaked up even more deeply after the "any day" news. and most, most appreciative that i made it to august 14 in order to get my due date tradition hot rod from hansen's :)
august 14
some how it took me almost 9 months to realize the significance of that day. sitting around at my aunt and uncles house talking about the upcoming tenth anniversary i started thinking back to 2005. i googled "august 2005 calendar" and stopped in my proverbial mental tracks. sunday, august 14 2005 i drove from west point, ms from my cousins wedding to move to new orleans to start my dietetic internship at touro.
the weight of this didn't pass lightly and as my due date approached i couldn't help but think about how God is a great God of redemption. never in a MILLION years would i have thought in 2005 that one) i'd still be living in new orleans ten years later and two) that i'd be having my SECOND baby due on the very day i drove into the city i planned to call home for ONE year.
so i got my hot rod and when i was examined at my 40 week appointment i hadn't made any progress in the previous 5 weeks. i figured. my induction was scheduled for two weeks later, and i was convinced that'd be my second birth story. i went in for fetal monitoring a few days later and everything looked good, i.e. no signs of labor. i even convinced the nurse i'd be back the next week so she had me take my blood pressure cuff and monitoring bands with me.even in that false certainty/uncertainty (and complete oblivion to what these prayers of surrender were preparing me for) i was expectant of the sweet time to come, surrendered to God's plan for this birth, and oh so grateful for the sweet life i'd been given.graciously given.
