In This Together
Hey, friends. I posted a similar picture in April and my guess would be that it was more well-received by all my friends than this one will be.
I’m not writing this to shame anyone or judge anyone’s decisions or beliefs, and if you don’t know my story, my Daddy died of COVID-19 on March 24th, before we knew what we know now. Before there was clearer information on how to prevent the spread. So please take that into consideration when reading this.
Four months into this and now wearing or not wearing a mask, sending or not sending your children to school, seeing older family members or not seeing them and more have all become polarizing. I honestly feel this way in a lot of areas in my life already, stuck in the middle between two extreme sides. I often find myself the most liberal person in a conservative room or the most conservative person is a liberal room. This is playing out right now that I have people in my life that are strongly for masks and distancing, and people that think there is strong evidence against them and that our freedom is being taken away.
I’m writing this because as I sit in the middle of these two worlds, watching people make decisions and share and honestly shame other people who don’t think like them, I can’t be quiet anymore.
I read an article recently that put my thoughts into better words than I could explain. It said that “Because this virus and pandemic feels so unfamiliar, we’re clinging to whatever makes us feel safe in the moment.” It went on to share that we are all in a fight-or-flight physiological state right now that is driving our thoughts and behaviors. Truth.
We feel out of control, we are out of control, and things with COVID-19 are rapidly changing moment by moment, day by day, and all of this makes our choices very, very complicated.
I have a PhD in Public Health. No, I’m not an Infectious Disease Epidemiologist, but I know how research studies work. I know how articles and journals and publishing works. I know that science, in general, is an ever-changing, growing body of knowledge. And guess what? You can find a study or article to support both sides of pretty much any disease, behavior, whatever.
There are holes in all research because it’s not EXACT. This virus is very new and we don’t even have a year of research on it. Combine this with the fact that there is mistrust of the government and non-governmental organizations (valid) and misinformation that has been spread, and here we are today.
Can we pause for a minute and assume the best in each other? Can we pause for a minute and realize that if you think you should wear a mask or not wear a mask that most of the messaging that’s being spread (including social media!) is fear-based? Can we pause and realize that every single person right now is making impossible decisions for themselves, their children, their families, their businesses, their communities?
That mask or no mask we are clinging to things that make us feel grounded, that are in fact not 100% factual on either side?
But I also ask you, and no this isn’t a trick to get you to read this far and change your mind, if it’s just a piece of fabric to potentially protect someone else from getting sick, then why not? Why not do something simple to be a considerate neighbor? To protect someone who has a compromised immune system and you don’t know. To prevent someone else from dying.
There are people who can’t wear masks for legitimate reasons, and I respect people who so strongly feel like the evidence and information that they have read or heard makes them believe they shouldn’t wear one. Go ahead, if you don’t want to wear one, then don’t, but please don’t be reckless with your behavior. Please take into consideration that your actions impact other people. If you have the privilege to decide to travel safely, or keep your kids home from school then do that, but realize that that’s exactly what it is, a privilege.
The message I keep hearing from people who are anti-mask, or anti-quarantine, or anti-any of this is that we are receiving fear-based messages from the media. That’s 100% true, however, there is a both-and here that people are ignoring.
We can be informed and be careful and it doesn’t mean we are motivated by fear. We can choose to protect ourselves and our families and our loved ones and our community and it doesn’t mean we are selling out or that we don’t believe in holistic options or that we think everything the government says is factual.
It’s not black and white. There isn’t an exact way to do this. We are likely sending our girls back to school in person but I have applied for accommodations to not have to teach at Tulane in person because of risks to my physical and mental health. I 100% realize this is a privilege and that this isn’t everyone’s reality, and I also realize that people in decision making power in our lives are doing their best to make wise and informed decisions, which is nearly impossible right now.
A dear, dear friend gave me this “In This Together” shirt 🌈 right when all of this started in April and as time has gone on I’ve asked myself, “are we really?” Are we, as friends, as communities in this together? Because as someone who lost my beloved Daddy to COVID-19, it doesn’t feel like people who are loudly sharing that we should all be anti-mask, anti-social distance, anti-restrictions are in this with me. It doesn’t feel like people who are shaming people who wear masks and calling them fearful are in this with me.
I realize I’m one person, and that everyone’s personal actions aren’t about me. As I said, I respect people for the decisions they make for themselves and their families, but I also realize that I have a choice. I have a choice to show up and ask people to be kind. To ask people to be considerate. To ask people to think for one second what it feels like to lose someone to COVID-19. To think about what it would feel like if you lost someone practically out of nowhere. To think about the fact, that even these numbers aren’t exact, that there are people dying every day.
Are there people dying of other things every day? Are the negative unintended consequences of all this? Are there things that people are getting wrong? Yes. Yes. Yes. This is a once in a 100 years situation, in our lifetime there hasn’t been something like this on a global scale. Spoiler alert, this is bigger than all of our personal beliefs, freedoms, politics, and so on. But is this disproportionately affecting people who are already at an increased risk from long-standing systemic health and social inequities? Is systemic racism playing a role in this resulting in Black people being at an increased risk of not only getting but experiencing severe illness regardless of age? Are there discrepancies in who has access to tests and information? Yes, yes, and yes.
Information on all of this is changing and will change, but I ask you again, even if the research changes, even if all of this was wrong, even if the articles or stories you’ve heard are true, is it really that big of a deal to you to not protect someone else?
And that if you are really invested in your own personal freedom, that you do that in a way that honors other people who don’t feel the same way that you do and protects the health of vulnerable people?
If you are still reading this and you’re someone who is strongly anti-mask, you’re probably thinking that I have been talking mostly to you, and I have, but it’s not the whole story. I think there are things wrong with whatever you define the other side is and how they are sharing information and making decisions and assumptions too. But at the end of the day, that’s the side I’m leaning towards and acting from not only because of my personal experience, but because of my professional background. We can’t unlearn or unlive the things we’ve experienced and I hope that you respect that.
