ecstatically happy | emotional eating and elimination plans

I am reading Emily Ley's book, Grace not Perfection (excellent by the way) and in the book she asks "When was the last time you were ecstatically happy?" and immediately my mind went to our trip to Waco this spring. There were many, many reasons for that--I had just submitted by dissertation, we were getting to see dear, dear friends who we hadn't seen in a long time, and we were going to my Disneyland, the Magnolia Silos. But as I was looking back at pictures of that visit and found this one and it felt very appropriate to share because.

I went back and forth thinking about if I wanted to share about the nuts and bolts of an elimination plan or if I wanted to share about emotional eating and in a lot of ways they go hand in hand. For me, my emotional eating really started when I became pregnant with my first daughter. I wasn't expecting to be pregnant and we just found out that Joe lost his job. I was working full time, a full-time PhD student, and had taken on 4-5 extra side jobs to help with money. I'm getting hives just typing all of that out. On top of that I felt horrible, I was nauseous 24/7 (why do they call it morning sickness when it's all day?!) for the first four months of my pregnancy, and for whatever reason anything that I usually loved--fruits, vegetables, whole grains, lean meats, hello, water--my body rejected. My body wanted to eat peanut butter crackers, beans and rice, and grilled cheese. Every day, for four months. Now, eating during pregnancy is complex, and this is not what this is about, but I distinctly remember as I started to feel better I would still eat whatever I want because "I deserved it". I deserved to treat myself because I felt sad, or sick. I deserved to treat myself to celebrate when I felt happy. I deserved to eat McDonald's after I taught a nutrition class every Monday night (true story) because I had worked a full work day, and then stood on my pregnant feet for 3 hours and didn't eat until 9 pm when the class was over.

So many of us are programmed to emotionally eat, and please don't think it's all bad! There are so many wonderful things associated with food memories, and celebrations, and living our best life. But for many, it's those cycles and patterns we get in to. Everything in moderation becomes everything when I feel like it, and for me, I've allowed high levels of stress in my life for so long, that I was using food to cope. When I learned this fact a few months ago it changed everything for me--did you know that when you eat sugar and or refined carbs that your gut releases dopamine? Dopamine, the chemical that effects your emotions and sense of pleasure. There is a physiological reason that when we feel sad we want to eat a sheet cake. Tina Fey anyone?

After both of my pregnancies I did month long no sugar, no dairy, no refined carbs eating plans and they "worked" in the sense that I lost baby weight, but I wasn't breaking emotional eating patterns. After those plans were over I would eventually go back to treating myself to cope and let's be honest, it's been a hard 1.5 years. When I started this elimination plan I'll be honest, I was excited to not only feel better, but I thought I'd finally get to the bottom of my metabolism challenges and lose weight. But the truth is, I didn't. My doctor thinks it's because of my cortisol levels, which we will get to the bottom of soon after I've healed, but outside of that, eliminating many of the things I reached for comfort brought my emotional eating to the surface, actually it just erupted like a volcano.

It was painful emotionally, to mourn the loss not only of things that I enjoyed eating every day, but to not have things to reach for that made me feel better. I am still working through these feelings (full disclosure I'm waiting a bag of organic gummy bears, yep, as I write this) but I'm so grateful for the elimination plan not only to identify triggers that have been responsible for symptoms for so long, but to highlight for me my dependence on emotional eating. I do not have all of this figured out, and I do not think that eating plans that eliminate any certain food group (for non-medical reasons) are sustainable, but I want to be transparent and honest as I wrestle with all of this because I feel like so many people feel like they are on the losing side of wellness and I want to and will fight to get myself and other people across that line.

Now, the beautiful thing about the internet and the community that it brings is that there are SO many people fighting to get across that line too. There are so many good resources and recipes and blogs and books that can shift what you think you can't live without to what you can eat. I have had multiple people tell me that what I'm doing would make them "miserable". 1) Rude. 2) Yes, at first it is, but when you realize what you are gaining by seeking out what is working for your body, and there are so many dang wonderful alternatives, it's really freeing.

I wanted to share some of my favorite resources here. I feel like we all get so saturated with what we are interested in and I think everyone knows about these sites, but maybe it's only my Instagram feed that's filled with one-bazillion people who are eating perfectly paleo, whole30, vegan, blah blah blah. I keep bringing this up, but that's what I have had a hard time with, and why at first I had a hard time sharing about what I was eating and the changes I made because I felt like I had to be perfect, stahp, or fit in some category, I don't. It's about finding what works for your body and what you can do for the long run.

I digress, here are some of my favorite go-to resources for people who have food allergies, are trying an elimination plan, anyone!

Against All Grain--probably my all time favorite. She shares her personal health journey that took her from medicines and hospitalizations to treating her autoimmune condition with diet, and doing so deliciously.

Lexi's Clean Kitchen--similarly found a new way of cooking, and living after using nutrition to treat her conditions and symptoms. I love her recipes and she has symbols to identify if they are Gluten, Dairy, Nut, etc. free.

Minimalist Baker-- almost everything on this site is gluten free and vegan which I found for me were good umbrella terms to find recipes. Everything on this site looks divine, I just had to be careful even with gluten free/vegan recipes because I couldn't have eggs, nuts, or soy which are often replacements when you take out gluten and dairy.

Whole Sisters--there are so many Whole30 sites and recipes, but I like these sisters. They have a nutri-fries recipe that gives me life that I made with roasted potatoes once a week. The thing with following Whole30 plans is again, I couldn't have eggs or nuts which are a big part of those for a lot of people.

Girls Gone Vegan--these are two women in New Orleans who make things locally and they saved my life. I'm not kidding, they made me gluten/dairy/egg/soy/nut free bread and also made me cinnamon rolls, muffins, and donuts, yep you read that right. There are so many good recipes online to make these things but for me having these comfort items in the freezer to reach for kept me going. Most elimination plans you don't eat sugar, and I didn't for a good portion of mine, but most elimination plans start around 3-4 weeks and mine is going on 3 months with 3 more months to go, so for me that was the something that had to give.

I also wanted to share a "This Not That" that is super helpful especially as you're starting to exchange items out in an elimination plan.

• When you want milk/yogurt | Eat dairy substitutes such as coconut milk, almond milk, coconut yogurt or kefir (look for unsweetened dairy alternatives)
• When you want bread/crackers/pasta | Eat these items made with brown rice, oats, quinoa, garbanzo beans you name it. There are SO many options!
• When you want breading | Use almond meal, coconut flour, ground rice crackers, gluten free flour. We made a mean "fried" okra like this!
• When you want eggs | Eat egg replaces, I love Bob's Mill egg replacer and used it to make pancakes, muffins, and cookies. I didn't know this but it's not refrigerated :)
• When you want ice cream | Eat coconut ice cream. No seriously it's delicious, my favorite is the So Delicious with no added sugar
• When you want soft drinks | Drink sparkling mineral water with lemon or lime juice. I also love to add my Ningxia or essential oils to mine!
• When you want butter | Use coconut oil, avocado oil, extra virgin olive oil, or ghee (also not refrigerated)
• When you want sugar | Eat unsweetened apple butter, pure maple syrup, raw honey or coconut palm sugar are some I like to use
• When you want condiments | So many choices but I love vegan mayo (don't knock it till you've tried it) and so many good spices and vinegars. Super important to read labels because a lot of sauces and mustards contain wheat. Rude.

As much as I want to go back to that day eating cupcakes at the Magnolia Bakery (seriously go there if you can, best cupcake and cookie of my life!) I had something else on my list that made me ecstatically happy and that's working with other people to find and fight for wellness. I told a friend something the other day that I need to have on repeat to myself in regards to her health during her first and second pregnancies and how different they were. I said

"you were just as gorgeous then, you just found a different aspect of wellness that you hadn't before and now you know what your body needs."

So let's fight together, to find alternatives for the foods we love, different ways to process our emotions, and to find those things that make us ecstatically happy.